My Dream Card for WrestleMania 29 -- Since We KNOW This Isn't Going To Happen

Instead of bitching and complaining about how much I can stand what has transpired at Royal Rumble this past Sunday, I'm just going to cool my jets, not watch WWE programming this week and dream of what "could have been."

Also, on a side note, fuck Trish Stratus being in the Hall of Fame this year...

No, Z, don't let your anger get the best of you...

Okay, my dream card for WrestleMania 29... Keep in mind this is my version and let's just pretend that Royal Rumble didn't happen the way it did.

MY Dream Road to WrestleMania 29

Royal Rumble Results:

Antonio Cesaro def. The Miz to retain the United States Championship

The Big Show def. Alberto Del Rio to become new World Heavyweight Champion

Team Hell No! def. Rhodes Scholars to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship

Ryback wins the Royal Rumble

Note: The Shield lays out both Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback during the final four, opting to give Dolph Ziggler the win.

CM Punk def. The Rock to retain the WWE Championship.

Note: The Shield comes out to interfere but were not seen due to the lights going out. Regardless, Vince McMahon comes out to throw the match out the window but Brock Lesnar F5's the WWE Chairman before he finishes his sentence.

Elimination Chamber Results: 

Chris Jericho & Bo Dallas def. US Champion Antonio Cesaro & Intercontinenal Champion Wade Barrett

Notes: This Tag Match is designed to give both challengers exposure and momentum before WM, thus proving that they are ready to take the gold from the champs.

Kaitlyn def. Tamina

Notes: AJ Lee has Big E and Tamina destroy Kaitlyn afterwards and she skips away with Divas title. 

The Big Show def. Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, Randy Orton, and Sheamus to retain the World Heavyweight Championship

Notes: Everyone looks strong throughout this one, but The Big Show comes out on top.

The Rock def. CM Punk, John Cena, Chris Jericho, and Brock Lesnar to retain the WWE Championship

Notes: Triple H screws Lesnar out of winning by attacking him with a sledgehammer and dealing a Pedigree early on. It looks like Punk is about to retain when the lights go out and everyone thinks its The Shield as usual, but the lights come back on with all of them laid out with Punk in the middle of the ring with The Undertaker. He delivers the Last Ride (or Tombstone Piledriver) and promptly disappears, leaving the win over to The Rock.

WrestleMania 29 Dream Match Card:

CM Punk vs. The Undertaker - Respect vs. The Streak

Build-up: Taker returns and explains his reasoning behind formally "dethroning" Punk, by saying that the title belongs with the last of the dying Attitude Era breed like himself, The Rock, and Triple H as there is a lack of respect among the next generation of so-called wrestlers. CM Punk counters saying that his generation is dead and needs to become humble to his greatness and respect the new era that he is single-handedly is ushering in.

After this match, win/lose/draw is where The Undertaker announces his retirement.

Divas Championship - Kaitlyn (C) vs. AJ Lee

Build-up: The weeks after Elimination Chamber, AJ confesses that she was sick of seeing Kaitlyn get the opportunities that were never presented to her. Instead, she was handed the GM role and fired before she got what she really wanted - the Divas Championship. Kaitlyn and AJ's "friendship" is completely out of the window as this turns into a modern day Trish vs. Lita feud. Hell, even to add more salt in the wounds for Diva fans, Trish and Lita will be in each respective Divas' corner...

United States Championship - Antonio Cesaro (C) vs. Chris Jericho - Ironman Match

Build-up: Jericho and Cesaro have a best of 5 series leading up to WrestleMania with both men looking strong in the series. They both agree that the only way to settle this is do it like Bret Hart and HBK did many years ago and do it in an Ironman match. Jericho is still playing off his "I haven't lost my touch" gimmick while Cesaro is still the best thing America has going.

Intercontinental Championship - Wade Barrett (C) vs. Bo Dallas

Build-up: This is make-it or break-it time for both Bo Dallas and Wade Barrett, as it's anyone's ball game on the biggest stage of them all to get over at WrestleMania. I would build this like The Undertaker vs. Maven feud from back in 2002-2003, with Bo working for the little guys on NXT and hoping they get a bigger platform in WWE to shine while Wade only wishes to continue his dominance as IC champ.

Tag Team Turmoil - Team Hell No! vs. Rhodes Scholars vs. Primetime Players vs. Epico & Primo (w/ Rosa Mendes)

Build-up: Hell No! shows signs of their team breaking up prior to WM and finally come to boil as they have to face 3 other teams at WrestleMania. Perfect ending here would be to have Kane turn on Bryan, yet they still have the titles. Knowing WWE that would lead to some more comedy gold segments over the summer.

Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar II

Build-up: What's there to build up? Lesnar hurt his father-in-law and HHH wants revenge from the first encounter. LOL, there ya go.

Fatal 4 Way: Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio

Build-up: This one should be the show opener to get it out of the way. For people to forget about Ziggler for the next event...

World Heavyweight Championship Match - The Big Show (C) vs. Ryback

Build-up: Do this one like Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant. For the weeks prior to WM, have Ryback lifting guys of various weight classes as 'training' to deliver the Shellshock on The Big Show. For comedy purposes, they can have JBL and Ron Simmons holding bets on the matter backstage and at ringside.

After Ryback wins the title, cue Dolph Ziggler to cash in MITB. This gives both DZ and Ryback a platform to work over the summer.

So Much for Once In A Lifetime... WWE Championship Match - The Rock (C) vs. John Cena

Build-Up: John Cena has to go heel this time, regress back to the Doctor of Thugnomnics to counter Mr. Hollywood.

Yeah, yeah. I know this WILL NOT happen, but a man can dream dammit.