WrestleMania 33 (April 2, 2017) -- Results & Afterthoughts

WrestleMania 33 was the thirty-third annual WrestleMania professional wrestling pay-per-view (PPV) event produced by WWE. In addition to standard PPV outlets, it was broadcast simultaneously on the WWE Network. It took place on April 2, 2017 at Camping World Stadium in Orlando, Florida. WrestleMania 33 was a joint-promotion event for the Raw and SmackDown brands, the first since WrestleMania XXVII in 2011 as the brand split ended that year, but was reintroduced in July 2016.

Thirteen matches were contested at the event, including three on the pre-show. This was the first WrestleMania since WrestleMania 29 in 2013 to feature two world championships: Raw's WWE Universal Championship, defended for the first time at WrestleMania, and SmackDown's WWE Championship. In the main event, Roman Reigns defeated The Undertaker in a No Holds Barred match, giving Undertaker his second loss at WrestleMania. In addition, Brock Lesnar defeated Goldberg to become the new WWE Universal Champion and Randy Orton defeated Bray Wyatt to win his ninth WWE Championship. The event also marked the unannounced return of The Hardy Boyz, who won the Raw Tag Team Championship. It was also the first WrestleMania to be on the air past midnight Eastern time, resulting in a two-day broadcast for a single event.

WWE claimed an attendance of 75,245 for WrestleMania 33. This number has been disputed, as The A.V. Club wrote that it was "almost certainly a fake number" as WWE "has had a reputation for wildly inflating the attendance figure—as Vince McMahon once said on an investor’s call, the fake number is for entertainment purposes", while wrestling journalist Dave Meltzer described it as "a total worked number even more than usual".

Cruiserweight Championship Match - Neville (c) def. Austin Aries to retain

I went into this show with this match being the only match I was really hyped to see. It was great - no doubt about that, but I didn't like the finish. The referee CLEARLY saw Neville raking Aries' injured eye and didn't disqualify him. He just flailed his arms around like he was thinking about it and just said fuck it. That alone was just a piss poor call on his behalf and left a sour taste in my mouth to kick off this show. There wouldn't have been nothing wrong with Aries getting the win here via DQ while at the same time, Neville retains. It's still win-win for both guys involved and gives them a better excuse to keep this feud going than having Neville pin him clean afterwards anyway.

If TNA made the same referee blunder there, I know most WWE marks would rip them a new one on blasting them about it so don't get on my case about pointing out stupidity here.

Mojo Rawley wins the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

This match was just simply horrible. When Braun Strowman and The Big Show were put out of it within the first five minutes, I knew we had a stinker on our hands. It was cool that we got two NXT rising stars in the match, but that really didn't amount to anything when they were treated like the rest of the jobbers and midcarders who were in this match as mere filler.

I had Strowman or Big Show down in my predictions pegged to win this but the second I noticed Mojo was hanging around in the back not doing much (WWE talent are sticklers for giving away winners of matches like this when the guy who is more likely going to win is the one who does the least amount of action or plays possum for 80% of said match in the corner or hides at ringside) I KNEW he was going to win.

Someone needs to explain to me why guys like Dolph Ziggler, Kalisto, Apollo Crews, and Sami Zayn are in this battle royal but don't have matches? That goes double for the ENTIRE SmackDown! Tag Team Division (along with the current champions, the Usos) were in this match as filler. I can understand trying to fit in their entire roster into the card for WM payday, but they are ultimately selling a lot of folks short too.

Intercontinental Championship Match - Dean Ambrose (c) def. Baron Corbin to retain

First bathroom break of the night right here. Ambrose was fighting Brock Lesnar last year and now he's reduced to carrying Baron Corbin through a WrestleMania match? Then again, they haven't been really doing much with Ambrose's character after he lost the WWE Championship anyway, so I can't be surprised to see him reduced to being filler as the Cesaro of SmackDown! Live. You know they wouldn't do this to Roman and Seth - EVER.

I was sold on thinking that Corbin was going to garner his first single title win here, but nope to my surprise. I guess they are saving that for maybe Backlash (or whatever the first post-WM SD exclusive PPV is)?

AJ Styles def. Shane McMahon

This was a REALLY surprise treat on this card. To say it started off a bit boring with AJ Styles actually selling Shane's lame ass punches and half-assed submissions, they ultimately brought it together by the end with Shane pulling out all of the stops. Who the hell knew that Shane could bust out a Shooting Star Press?? Shane definitely earned the respect of many tonight and can add another classic to his list of top matches. This one is up there with his feuds with The Big Show and Kurt Angle out of my favorite Shane O'Mac matches.

There shouldn't be ANY doubt in anyone's minds about AJ Styles being called the best wrestler ever to grace a WWE ring after tonight. He carried Shane through an amazing match which could have been a complete dud on paper if it was anyone else in the driver's seat.

United States Championship Match - Kevin Owens def. Chris Jericho (c)

I didn't care about this feud after the "Festival of Friendship" and I really didn't care when Jericho cost Owens the Universal title against Goldberg about two months ago at Fastlane. Jericho and Owens are both stellar workers and they know how to put on a good show, so I knew the match wasn't going to be chore to watch like Corbin/Ambrose earlier tonight. At the same time, it still didn't do anything to make me care about this feud. I loved that Pop-Up Codebreaker counter to the Pop-Up Powerbomb and the fact that Owens got the win after Powerbombing Jericho on the ring apron at ringside though. I had to applaud Owens for being one of the few people who does a spot like that and immediately pins their opponent in the ring instead of waiting around.

I'm glad to see Jericho put Owens over here when it was criminal that he couldn't put over AJ Styles last year.

Sure, Owens is US champion again, but isn't this back where he started in WWE about two years ago? Seems like he's going backwards instead of moving up the ladder...

Besides, if memory serves, my idea for a WrestleMania moment for Kevin Owens was closing the book on the Sami Zayn versus Kevin Owens feud once and for all in a WrestleMania bout for the Universal Championship, but WWE blew their load on most of those matches before 'Mania last year AND the fact that they let Zayn fall so far down the totem pole, it wouldn't make much sense for him to get a title shot anyway. Oh well, I hope they get a moment to showcase that feud on a WM stage sometime in the future.

RAW Women's Championship Fatal 4 Way Elimination Match - Bayley (c) def. Nia Jax, Sasha Banks, and Charlotte to retain

It wasn't a surprise to see the three Horsewomen gang up on the inexperienced Nia Jax to get her out of the mix early on. That was the same dynamic that the Revival and DIY used against the Authors of Pain the night before at NXT Takeover. I was shocked to see Sasha eliminated second (and so fast if I may add) that left the match down to Charlotte against Bayley for what seemed like the same finale for the last few RAW Women's Championship matches. I was thinking that Sasha and Bayley would have worked together to get Charlotte out, leaving it down to Sasha and Bayley. Then they end it by confirming Charlotte's warnings about Sasha's deception being true and have her go full heel and cheat to win over Bayley to win the title. Instead, we got a VERY rushed (and very sloppy) finale between Charlotte and Bayley for what feels like the millionth time to the same tired result.

I have to admit I was interested in that confrontation between Charlotte and Nia Jax. That's something new and fresh that we haven't seen done before. I think those two could make some magic if they were given a program together.

Ladder Match for RAW Tag Team Championships - The Hardys (Matt & Jeff) def. Gallows & Anderson (c), Cesaro & Sheamus, and Enzo & Cass

I won't even lie. I marked the FUCK out when the Hardys' music hit and they came out. I was relieved that the New Day weren't adding themselves to this match. For those wondering why Jeff Hardy was looking like he was out of it from the start, it's because the Hardys faced the Young Bucks in a Ladder Match less than 24 hours prior to this match for the ROH Tag Team Championships and he was pretty banged up from that match. I still need to check that show out for myself as I was hearing good things about it on social media.

The Hardys didn't disappoint, same goes for all three teams involved here. After the nostalgia wore off, I couldn't help but think it was a bad idea to have the Hardys go over the three tag teams that have been struggling to pull this division out of the hole it has been since the New Day ruined it during their record-breaking tag title reign. Cool, the Hardys are back home where they belong, but what is the long-term plan here? If you didn't see the WWE.com interviews following this match, there's no sign of Matt and Jeff doing the whole "Broken" gimmick here - despite the DELETE chants from the WWE Universe.

John Cena & Nikki Bella def. The Miz & Maryse; John Cena proposes post-match

I was REALLY disappointed in this match. While I enjoyed that the live crowd were eating out of The Miz's hands, I thought it was fucking stupid that they were acting like Maryse isn't a trained wrestler. This match was the same as the mixed tag team matches that they were having on SmackDown! the last few weeks where Cena sells for the first few minutes until the hot tag to Nikki and they hit double finishers for the win.

Everyone and their grandma saw the marriage proposal coming a mile away, but I can't hate on Cena and Nikki wanting to have that moment in front of the WWE Universe. Savage and Miss Elizabeth did the same thing decades ago and it's not bad to have a real love story in the middle of all of this guys and girls hating each other all the time. Seems like that was lost in recent years.

Just like people tend to rub it in my face that people aren't fans of WWE just for the in-ring product, I want to remind people that people aren't fans of WWE for the goofy comedy shit either. They want some of that reality TV drama that you see on Total Divas and Total Bellas. WWE has to cater to all of these masters and provide something for everyone.

Non-Sanctioned Match - Seth Rollins def. Triple H (w/ Stephanie McMahon)

I happened to step out for a food run/break so I missed the first ten minutes of this match, but got back in time for the last half. I'll update this article with my thoughts later this week when I have a chance to check that out.

From what I did see though, HHH and Rollins did a great job of selling the knee and crafting a narrative here of it being all or nothing in Seth's road to redemption. He took everything that HHH had to dish out of his bag of tricks and still managed to find a way to win. I have to admit that I was surprised at two things in this match. One being that Stephanie McMahon took a table bump. Was that her first one ever? That being said, it was pretty lame on how she fell through the table anyway. It felt like that Stephanie wanted to steal some of Shane's thunder for taking bumps tonight. Just screamed like something petty the McMahon family would do to one up each other. The second thing that surprised me was that Triple H didn't go over. I was thinking that they were going to justify it with HHH going over for they could build to a rematch (with a much better narrative and less milking) if they dragged this out to Payback or even Summerslam for a rematch. If it's just one and done here, then I'm completely fine with that. Let Rollins rest up properly for his knee's sake and give him a new program afterwards.

WWE Championship Match - Randy Orton def. Bray Wyatt (c)

I still don't even know what to make of this match to be quite honest. While I was into the projections/mindgames by Bray Wyatt, but I don't see what was the point of that when Orton still got the win anyway. That just made Bray come off as an idiot after it was all said and done. I don't see how anyone benefits from this feud. Orton still comes off as an idiot as he GAVE UP his WrestleMania spot as part his plot to earn Wyatt's trust, only to have to win it back in a match against AJ Styles, when he could have just easily challenged Bray for the title in the first place to avoid any other unnecessary outcomes to his so-called master plan. Bray tried to bounce back from being fooled by Orton's deception here, but it still fell flat. This match wasn't bad - just felt like your run of the mill weekly SmackDown! main event, not a WrestleMania match at all.

The only reason I can see them doing this title change is that someone is going debut on SmackDown! on Tuesday and Orton immediately loses the title to that night.  Well either that or we get that AJ Styles/Randy Orton feud they have been avoiding for the past few months.

WWE Universal Championship Match - Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) def. Goldberg (c)

I joked about it on social media during the fact, but Goldberg had this coming for months now. From the look on his face as he walked down to the ring, you knew he was going to pretty much pull his pants down and drop the soap for Lesnar tonight. The action was good enough that it definitely made up for these last few squash matches and the embarrassment that those two put on at WrestleMania XX. It wasn't too long and it wasn't too short, but they got the point across. Goldberg and Brock didn't overstay their welcome and I'm happy with what I saw here.

My only question for both Goldberg and Brock is what's next?

Six Pack Challenge for SmackDown! Women's Championship - Naomi def. Alexa Bliss, Carmella, Natalya, Becky Lynch, and Mickie James

To say that people bitched and moaned all week for this match to be removed from the kick-off/preshow to the main show, it didn't deliver to say that it was the co-main event of the evening. Most of the girls (outside of Naomi and Bliss) got their entrances cut, while it seemed like a lot of this match was rushed even more than the RAW Women's match. Mickie and Becky barely did ANYTHING here, even less by Bliss and she was the damn champion. I was thinking that she would pull an AJ Lee and do mostly nothing and still retain, but I was glad that they put the gold back on Naomi. I hope SmackDown! really give her a chance to see what she can do. If they can put up with Becky Lynch as champion for what felt like an eternity before Alexa Bliss won it from her, then I think we can handle a few months of Naomi feeling it out as champion in this role. Even Bliss had growing pains too, so the haters don't even need to start in that regard when Bliss still has a lot of work in the in-ring department.

You deserve it, Naomi. I still say you shouldn't have lost it in the first damn place...

I'm glad for Naomi to get the gold back and in her hometown no less. She didn't do much here, but I was pleased with her performance here. That roll-up into the submission finish was stylishly done and hope to see more of that from Naomi as her reign continues. A part of me feels like Mickie James is going to be the one who ends up dethroning her though.

No Holds Barred - Roman Reigns def. The Undertaker

I know most people don't want to hear this, but I'm glad that The Undertaker called it quits here. Ever since Brock Lesnar ended the Streak at WrestleMania 30, I felt that they should have ended his career there. All of these matches since the Streak ended to somehow give Taker his dignity back has done nothing but expose how battered and beaten he is. If I'm perfectly honest, he has been on borrowed time since his feuds with Shawn Michaels and Triple H anyway. It's been a blessing in disguise that he has been around this long. I'm glad that Taker can walk away on his own terms before having to call it quits when his body forces him to stop for good (Sting, Edge, etc.).

That being said, Roman Reigns was the WRONG opponent to carry the Deadman through his last match. Reigns isn't a bad wrestler, but he's no ring general. This honor should have been given to John Cena to put him down for good if they wanted to have someone carry him throughout his last match. I give mad props to Reigns for trying, but this just gave fans more reason to hate him as the guy who put The Undertaker down for good. Who knows, maybe this is the trigger that Vince wanted to pull to turn Reigns into a heel?

They tried to tell the same story here with how Taker wouldn't give up, much like Shawn Michaels in his retirement match. There was a point where I was expecting Reigns to start shouting, "STAY DOWN!" like Taker did to HBK during their match, but from how Taker was writhing around in pain on his back and barely being able to move around, I was more than ready for Reigns to put him out of his misery.

Thank You Taker, for everything that you've sacrificed and gave to us fans to entertain us
for the many, many decades that you have been synonymous with WrestleMania and the WWE as a whole.

One thing I have to mention is that I noticed a lot of my friends, especially fellow e-fedders and long-time fans, comment that they are sad that all of their favorite wrestlers are gone. Why are you sad for them? Be happy that they get to quit/retire on their own terms and treasure the memories that you have them in their prime at the top of their game. At the same time, reading that makes me fucking sick as it's that same mindset is why most of the current generation of talent can't get over as people are expecting the old school legends to hang around forever. Give the new generation a chance and let the golden oldies have a reason to rest and watch from the sidelines for they won't have to continue to torment themselves to keep this business alive. There's a LOT of great talent in the business today. People just need to keep an open mind and give them a chance instead of hanging onto memories of the past to continue to be these temporary band-aids that WWE religiously cling to as their lifelines.