WWE Elimination Chamber (Feb. 12, 2017) -- Results & Afterthoughts

Elimination Chamber (2017) (known as No Escape (2017) in Germany) was a professional wrestling pay-per-view (PPV) event and WWE Network event produced by WWE for the SmackDown brand. It took place on February 12, 2017, at the Talking Stick Resort Arena in Phoenix, Arizona. This was the seventh event under the Elimination Chamber chronology, the first to be held since 2015, and the first to have three women's matches.

Eight matches were contested at the event, including one on the pre-show. In the main event, Bray Wyatt won the titular Elimination Chamber match to become the new WWE Champion, the first singles championship of his career. On the undercard, Naomi defeated Alexa Bliss to become the new SmackDown Women's Champion, marking her first championship in WWE, while other prominent matches included Randy Orton defeating Luke Harper, American Alpha retaining the SmackDown Tag Team Championship in a tag team turmoil match, and Becky Lynch defeating Mickie James.

Preshow: Mojo Rawley def. Curtis Hawkins

Didn't watch live. Didn't care. Only thing I heard was that "Will Rawley get his 'mojo' back??" from JBL and I facepalmed.

I went back and watched this last night after Monday Night RAW and there wasn't much to write home about here. Hawkins got some shots in before Mojo gave him one hell of a Running Haymaker and finished him off with some spinning powerslam that looked like a botched Deep Six by Corbin. If they are going to revert Mojo back to his squash match days from NXT, then I'm back to not giving a flying fuck about this guy. The Hype Bros. tag team with Ryder was a breath of fresh air for both of those guys and it's sad to see Mojo devolve back to what wasn't working even back down on NXT.

Becky Lynch def. Mickie James

Seemed odd that Mickie would lose her 2nd (or rather 3rd if you're counting her match at NXT Takeover against Asuka) PPV bout in a row since returning to the company. Most people will argue but it looked like Mickie and Becky were struggling to mesh their styles well here. It finally came together by the end, but I couldn't help but think of Mickie James and Gail Kim's iffy chemistry here. Y'know, when you think that match would be great on paper but the execution ends up being a bit off? I'm not shitting on neither woman here, but I was left feeling that this match left a lot to be desired. On top of that, where do we go from here? Becky already got her payback on Mickie, so I don't see how they were going to continue this feud.

By the way, what the fuck was Becky Lynch wearing? Did she lose her gear that was in luggage that was possibly lost at the airport or something? Just seemed so out of left field on that look for this show.

Apollo Crews & Kalisto def. Dolph Ziggler

Let's be honest here, this match was fucking horrible. Rest hold after rest hold after rest hold to little to no offense by Crews until Kalisto returned after the prematch attack by Ziggler. Kalisto hits like 2-3 moves, tags in Crews, who finishes Ziggler off with his finisher for the win. ALL of these guys are capable of SOO much better. If they aren't going to do anything constructive or noteworthy with Kalisto, I say draft him into the Crusierweight division on 205 Live. Otherwise, he should be marketed as the new generation Rey Mysterio (or hell get Lince Dorada or Gran Metallik in that role) instead of being canonfoddler in this storyline for Ziggler's heel turn. As for Crews, I STILL say that he shouldn't have been called up from NXT so early. That is a guy they are ruining from head to toe on the main roster. Not even SmackDown Live's magic can turn this dude around at this rate.

You know this match was bad when the crowd was cheering for Ziggler to keep attacking Crews in his injury spot post-match.

Tag Team Turmoil - WWE Tag Team Champions American Alpha (c) def. Heath Slater & Rhyno, The Vaudevillains, The Usos, Breezango (Tyler Breeze & Fandango), The Usos, and The Ascension to retain

Slater and Rhyno beat Breezango and Vaudevillains in quick fashion only to lose to The Usos, who were sporting ring gear like they just came from the club prior to arriving to the arena. And here I thought the Ascension where dead in the water. No sir, the Vaudevillains have taken that spot in terms of tag teams that have been wasted on the main roster. I gotta admit that The Ascension had me fooled that they were going to were going to steal the gold after that long as hell post-elimination beating by the Usos. I wasn't thinking that the Revival would debut here as it's pretty obvious that NXT are setting them up for a triple threat against DIY and the Authors of Pain after what transpired on last week's show post-Takeover.

Outside of the Ascension or the Usos (again?) winning the belts temporarily in these weeks prior to 'Mania, I honestly can't see American Alpha NOT walking into WrestleMania as the SmackDown! Tag Team champions. As good as Alpha are at least their tag team division isn't on life support as much as the RAW end of things are. That being said, there's not much to work with here on SD in terms of solid teams to make people want to pay attention to tag team wrestling. My idea would have had the tag team titles be inter-brand titles and have the champions perform on BOTH shows, since clearly they aren't going to open the Cruiserweight division to guys outside of RAW...

Nikki Bella vs. Natayla - Ends in Double Count Out

Goddamn this match was too goddamn LONG. The first half I dare say was better than the entire Becky/Mickie match that opened the show, but towards the end this match fell flat, even more so with the count out finish. They "kinda" set the stage for that rumored mixed tag team match with Miz and Maryse against Nikki and Cena here, but I think people are grasping at straws on that one. Then again, they could blow off this feud on one of the SmackDown Live episodes before WrestleMania and have like a fatal four way or a battle royal for the SmackDown Women's Championship involving the other women, so who knows.

This match would've been better if they just cut it short and at that halfway point while the people were still into it and called it a day. This match's biggest flaw was dragging on for FAR too long.

It's pretty sad when Nikki's so-called "Fearless Lock" looks more devastating than Cena's STF-U.

Randy Orton def. Luke Harper

I honestly went out on a food run during this match and got back in time to see Orton hit the RKO on Harper from out of nowhere.

Much like the preshow match, I went back and watched this match in its entirety after RAW last night, and I have to admit that this was the second best match of the evening. That wasn't a hard feat to accomplish though when the bulk of the show was VERY mediocre up to this point. Harper has always been the best worker within the Wyatt Family and could easily be a breakout singles star whenever they decide to dissolve that gimmick. Harper would be finally able to burn that filthy shirt, shave his balding hair, and get a respectable look going for himself.

Naomi def. Alexa Bliss (c) to become the NEW SmackDown! Women's Champion

Much like the other two women's wrestling matches on this card, there was a lot of sloppy execution here, but overall, I thought Naomi and Alexa did great here. They actually have good chemistry with each other and the win for Naomi was a pleasant surprise as I was dead sure that WWE booking logic was going to let the heel talking shit and devaluing babyface Naomi (much like Booker T during Triple H's racist tirade during their feud) would have led to Bliss retaining the title and validating that Naomi was irrelevant. Instead, WWE actually did something great here and finally rewarded Naomi for all of her hard work. I stood up and applauded Naomi because this was a LONG time coming.

Naomi has been sidetracked and derailed at almost every opportunity, including getting shoved to the sidelines after her standout performances against Paige in their feud in favor of the returning AJ Lee at the time, forced to turn heel and pick up the tablescraps of what was left of AJ Lee's gimmick as part of the Team BAD faction with Tamina Snuka and later Sasha Banks - in which ultimately led to Naomi and Tamina being reduced to being Sasha Banks' "sidekicks" during the opening phase of the Divas Women's Revolution. It wasn't until now after being drafted to SmackDown! Live that she had a golden opportunity to shine on her own without being overshadowed, much like what is going on RAW with the division only consisting of 2-3 same women feuding for the title.

What pissed me off last night was seeing people on social media shitting all over Naomi's win here. All I can say is STFU. Alexa Bliss had a solid few months with the title - much like Becky Lynch - and she was becoming stagnant. I honestly started to feel like she getting boring with her wannabe Harley Quinn mixed with heel Trish Stratus vibe she has going on. She's at that point as a heel - especially now that she's aligned with Mickie James - that she doesn't need the title to be over. I've said this a million times now, but people always forget this - Championships are mainly for getting people over who otherwise couldn't get over on their own.

Give Naomi a chance before you're all so quick to judge that she's going to fail in this role. Remember Daniel Bryan wasn't the best talker either when he came into WWE until towards the end of his (rather unfortunate) career, but made up for it with his in-ring ability. Anyone who can't recognize Naomi's pure athletic and in-ring ability are fucking blind. I'm all for giving her a chance to see what she does with this opportunity, even if it's short-lived. Much like how WWE did Alicia Fox, they can't take that moment away from her.

Elimination Chamber Match for WWE Championship - Bray Wyatt def. John Cena (c), AJ Styles, Baron Corbin, The Miz, and Intercontinental Champion Dean Ambrose to become the NEW WWE Champion

Without a shadow of a doubt, this was the match of the evening. If you don't watch anything else on this show, you should watch this match. Cena and Styles start things off, picking up where they left off from Royal Rumble last month until Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt joined in. After Baron Corbin entered the match, he went in to clean house with everyone, but Corbin came off as a complete moron.

I've seen other reviews and other various podcasts where fans are criticizing WWE for not "protecting" Corbin in this match. Fuck that. Corbin isn't Braun Strowman, despite the fact that he was the one (after several Superstars helped) to eliminate him during the Rumble. Corbin's still very green and just in this position because he's TALL. Corbin hits those same two moves - the Deep Six and the End of Days and doesn't try to pin ANYONE. Instead, he comes off looking like a bigger doofus than he already does by just showboating and taunting in front of the cameras until he's eliminated by Ambrose.

Well, at least we know who Ambrose is feuding with for that Intercontinental Championship at WrestleMania. I just hope they don't shoehorn in Ziggler and everyone else in midcard hell on SD Live to be in a multi-man bullshit filler match for WrestleMania. The IC title (along with the US title) needs to be taken care of with consideration to the legacy of that title's prestigious history. They need to start treating it just as important as the WWE Championship in my humble opinion - double goes for the SmackDown Tag Team titles if Gable's dream for that title to main event 'Mania someday. I could rant about how much I don't like midcard champions wasting a spot in Chamber matches as you KNOW they aren't going to win, but I'll save that conversation for another day.

I gotta say - Bravo to whoever told Corbin to keep a shirt on during his matches now as no one has to look at his lack of a physique for a big man. Same goes for Bray Wyatt, but he's not Kevin Owens fat... err obese. Bray's more Dusty Rhodes at his prime husky.

I know people were complaining about the new Chamber structure, but I for one, loved it. It looks more safer and more optimized for spots. It's not a new gimmick match anymore so WWE should know what they want out of this thing by now. I don't get why fans on social media have an idea with the safety pads on the floor when WWE has more than enough guys injured right now. Elimination Chamber was the most dangerous gimmick match to perform in on the road to WrestleMania, even though I still think it's just as stupid to have Tables, Ladders, and Chairs and Hell in a Cell prior to Royal Rumble too in terms of safety, but that's just me...

Last but not least, let's give Cena, Styles, and even Bray Wyatt a hand for their performances here. Styles took one HELL of a beating from everyone involved here while Cena put on a solid performance as well since him and Styles were in this match from the start to the end. You can't count Bray out of the praise either as he made sure to make his presence known here as well. Seeing Bray Wyatt capture the gold was a LONG time coming. I'm glad they had him put down both John Cena AND AJ Styles in the same match too to solidify him as a main eventer, instead of that bullshit where Cena could come back and say that he wasn't beaten by the guy who got the championship next.

To be honest, I REALLY hope they don't have Bray Wyatt drop the title to Orton as he deserves to ride this out for a while. You can give the title to Orton anytime. Let Bray (along with new SD Women's Champion Naomi) enjoy this for a while. Just roll with these title changes and see how they do over the next few months.

Overall, Elimination Chamber was a slightly above average show, with the main event being the best thing on the show while the Orton/Harper match and the two title changes were two welcome surprises. If I were to grade this show, I'd give it a strong B- if I'm perfectly honest.

QUICKIE -- Outland

Outland is a platform game developed by Housemarque and published by Ubisoft. The game combines two-dimensional platforming with a polarity system similar to Treasure's Ikaruga and Silhouette Mirage. Outland was released in April 27, 2011 for Xbox Live Arcade. The PlayStation 3 version was delayed because of the PlayStation Network outage then later released on June 14, 2011. A Windows version was released on September 29, 2014. The Linux version was released on February 25, 2015.

Plot: (FULL Spoilers)

In the present day, one man had started to experience dreams and visions of the past. He attempted to take medicine to stop it, thinking that this was a medical problem, but the medicine was ineffective; something larger was at play here. The man decided to find a shaman to find out what the problem was, what these dreams and visions meant, and to cure him of them. However, the shaman told the man of the ancient stories of a battle 30,000 years ago between a great hero and the two Sisters of Chaos - one who controls Light from the Sun, and one who controls Darkness from the Moon. The Sisters were imprisoned after the battle, but the hero had perished in the process. The shaman informed the man that he was the hero's reincarnation, and that the Sisters of Chaos have apparently escaped their imprisonment. This man was now the only one who could stop them, and so he went forth on the journey.

First, the man runs into the Crossroads of the World, which connects to multiple areas. When he arrives, however, he experiences yet another, and the last, vision of the past in the middle of a large shrine. This is perhaps the most vivid of the visions, because even the player gets a chance to control the hero from 30,000 years ago as he makes his way through the destruction of the world to defeat the Sisters. However, the fight itself is not shown, as the vision is terminated at the very moment the fight began, while the narrator tells the result.

Back in the present day, the man makes his way throughout four areas: the Jungle, the Underworld, the City, and the Sky. There are four protectors in the world, one per area, but they have been corrupted by Chaos and are now her minions. Due to this, the man must defeat these protectors as well. There are also many different species of creatures throughout the world, born from Light, Dark, or neutral energies, attempting to block the man's path, assisting the protectors and Chaos.

After the defeat of one protector, a rune, depicting the defeated protector, is activated in the large shrine in the Crossroads of the World, which triggers a short speech from the narrator about that protector and their corruption, as well as the opening of the next area of the world (in the order of the Jungle, the Underworld, the City and then the Sky). When all four protectors are defeated and four of the five runes activated, the shrine teleports the man to the Temple of Eternity.

The Temple of Eternity is where the Sisters were imprisoned in the battle 30,000 years ago, waiting all this time for their chance to escape and "uncreate" the world. The man must travel throughout the Temple of Eternity, finally ending his journey at one section named the Trail of Tears. Just past the Trail of Tears is a giant ladder, identical to the one the ancient hero had used to fight the Sisters. So the man climbs up the ladder and fights the Sisters in one last battle to save the world.

After winning the battle, the man is ready to deal the final blow and end the Sisters' lives, when suddenly, the Temple of Eternity collapses. The Sisters have never actually seen the world, only knowing that they wanted to destroy it and make it their own. But now, after they see the beauty and tranquility that both time and mankind had created, the Sisters humbly surrender to the man and retreat back to where they belong; one Sister to the Sun, one to the Moon. The spirit of the ancient hero from all those years ago then escapes from the man's body, as both the spirit's and the man's work are complete.

Play it or Don't Bother?

Definitely play this. Even if you're not a fan of Metroid/Castlevania-style exploration adventure games, this is a relatively fun platformer. The game uses the same light/dark magic affinity mechanic that games, such as Ikaruga and Silhouette Mirage. I found it to be similar to Castlevania: Lord of Shadow's magic system as well - at least, offensively. This isn't bad to kill your time with if you're looking for something simple to drop in and out of casually. If there's any drawbacks to the game it's the lack of variety of powers. You don't get many powers outside of light and dark magic (you're immune to the corresponding color of each magic type and take damage to the opposite type while enemies are always vulnerable to the opposite type of magic and immune to the same type as well) and a few special moves for combat (a heavy hitting, critical attack called Smite and a long range beam projectile attack that are both limited by how many magic stock counters you have underneath your health bar), but surprisingly enough that's all you need to keep the game interesting.

There's no getting lost either as the game always points you in the general direction that you need to go. Sure, there's a lot of trial and error in terms of what to do or how to overcome the foes that you run into over the course of the game, but there's nothing so frustrating that would make one walk away and never come back. Besides, you can't go wrong here as this title was free on Games on Gold on Xbox Live a while back and normally goes for relatively cheap on XBLA, PSN, and Steam. 

REVIEW -- Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017)

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is a 2016 science fiction action horror film written and directed by Paul W. S. Anderson. It is the sequel to Resident Evil: Retribution (2012) and the sixth and final installment in the Resident Evil film series, which is loosely based on the Capcom survival horror video game series Resident Evil. The film stars Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Shawn Roberts, Ruby Rose, Eoin Macken, William Levy and Iain Glen. In the film, Alice and her friends are betrayed by Albert Wesker, who gathers the entire forces of Umbrella into one final strike against the apocalypse survivors.

It was released on December 23, 2016 in Japan and on January 27, 2017 in the United States in 2D, 3D and IMAX 3D. The film received mixed reviews, although it was considered an improvement over previous installments, and has grossed $78 million worldwide.

Cast:

Milla Jovovich as Alice / Alicia Marcus
Ali Larter as Claire Redfield
Shawn Roberts as Albert Wesker
Ruby Rose as Abigail
Eoin Macken as Doc
William Levy as Christian
Iain Glen as Dr. Alexander Isaacs
Lee Joon-gi as Commander Chu
Rola as Cobalt
Ever Gabo Anderson as Young Alicia / Red Queen
Fraser James as Razor
Jared Harris as Dr. Charles Ashford

Plot: (FULL Spoilers)

Flashbacks reveal that Dr. James Marcus, the original founder of the Umbrella Corporation, had a daughter who was dying of premature aging. Desperate to save her, Marcus developed the T-virus as a way to cure all diseases on Earth. After having had his creation taken away from him, Marcus' business partner Dr. Alexander Isaacs (Iain Glen) tried to convince Marcus to use the T-virus for military purposes. When he refused, Isaacs ordered Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts) to kill Marcus.

Picking up three weeks after the events in Resident Evil: Retribution, Alice (Milla Jovovich) awakens in the now-ruined White House, after being betrayed once again by Wesker. While searching for survivors, the Red Queen (Ever Gabo Anderson) appears and tells Alice that she must return to the Hive in Raccoon City within 48 hours, where the Umbrella Corporation has developed an airborne antivirus, which will kill every organism infected by the T-virus, before the remainder of humankind is wiped out. When asked why she's betraying her creators, the Red Queen simply says that she will tell Alice once she arrives at The Hive.

On her way to Raccoon City, Alice is captured by Isaacs, whose clone Alice previously killed, but she manages to escape his convoy. Alice later arrives in the now-destroyed Raccoon City and is captured by a group of survivors, consisting of Doc (Eoin Macken), Abigail (Ruby Rose), Christian (William Levy), Cobalt (Rola), Razor (Fraser James), and Claire Redfield (Ali Larter), who is revealed to be alive after the attack on Arcadia. After learning that a group of armored vehicles and a horde of zombies is coming their way, the group prepares to make their last stand. They manage to defeat the enemy forces, although Cobalt is killed in the process. The group later realizes that a second horde is coming in their direction.

With no defenses left, Alice and the crew decide to get to the Hive entrance, located at the bottom of the atomic bomb crater which destroyed the city. However, Wesker, having taken control of the Hive, releases mutated guard dogs, killing Christian. Upon arriving at the Hive, the Red Queen appears again and explains the reason of her betrayal. It is revealed that someone uploaded a video recording of the Umbrella executives, including Isaacs, formulating a plan to release the T-virus on purpose in order to cleanse the world, save the rich and powerful with cryogenic capsules hidden in the Hive, and later rebuild the world in their image. The Red Queen, although programmed to never hurt an Umbrella employee, was also programmed to value human life, which is why she enlists Alice's help in order to stop Isaacs. The Red Queen also warns Alice about one of the group being a spy for Umbrella.

Entering the Hive, the group encounter several obstacles, and Abigail and Razor are killed. After planting bombs around the Hive, Alice confronts the real Isaacs, while she and Claire are captured by Wesker and Doc, Umbrella's spy. A cyrogenic capsule opens, revealing Alicia Marcus, Umbrella's co-leader and Marcus's daughter; Alice is a clone of Alicia. Isaacs plans to eliminate Alicia and gain full control of Umbrella, but Alicia "fires" Wesker, which signals the Red Queen to crush his legs with a security door. Doc tries to shoot Alice, but his gun is empty - as Alice had deduced his treachery earlier - and he is shot dead by Claire.

Encouraged by Alicia's words, Alice and Claire fight Isaacs, who is eventually killed by his own clone - the one Alice had encountered en route to the city - and Alice manages to release the antivirus, killing the undead. The bombs planted within the Hive explode, killing everyone inside, including Alicia and Wesker. Claire later wakes Alice, who survived as the antivirus killed the T-virus within Alice's body. The Red Queen gives Alice an upload of all Alicia's memories of childhood. Some time later, Alice travels to Manhattan, stating that the antivirus could take several years to reach all corners of the globe and until then, her mission isn't over, as a large creature pursues her.

The Verdict:

Alice in... Wonderland?

What can I say about this other than this film is a mess... or rather a complete clusterfuck. Granted, there's some great action sequences to hold your interest from start to finish, but overall, this has to be the weakest outing in this entire franchise to date. That's saying a lot as I NEVER liked that original Resident Evil film and I'm still baffled to this day how did that original film spawn full backing for multiple sequels to this point.

Anyone expecting the cast members from the previous films will be sorely disappointed as the only returning characters are Dr. Isaacs, Wesker, Alice, the Red Queen AI, and Claire Redfield. Good luck trying to figure out how all of that worked out behind the scenes. I was left scratching my head about Claire's inclusion but Leon, Chris, Ada, and the other misc. characters that joined up with Alice over the course of the last two films were nowhere to be found, while Wesker is reduced to being a mere errand boy for the duration of this entire film. It makes you wonder if Paul W.S. Anderson has even played a single one of these games... I seriously doubt it at this point as the closest he was to following RE lore as in Resident Evil: Apocalypse and that was off by a few points too. After that film, he's just been pulling the "cool bits" from random RE titles and adding it into the films, such as the entire fight choreography from RE5 between Chris and Sheva against Wesker for that confrontation between the Redfield siblings and Wesker in Resident Evil: Afterlife.

Actors from previous films: Sienna Guillory (Jill Valentine), Li Bingbing (Ada Wong), Aryana Engineer (Becky), Spencer Locke (K-Mart), Michelle Rodriguez (Rain Ocampo), Wentworth Miller (Chris Redfield) and Johann Urb (Leon S. Kennedy) weren't invited to return for the last movie. On August 3, 2015, it was confirmed that Ali Larter would be back for the sequel in the role of Claire Redfield, and filming would begin in late August or early September.

The information above was found on the wikipedia page for this film and that's pretty fucked up that they didn't even bother to even recast those folks for continuity. The story just said, they aren't here - deal with it. Regardless, the best part of the film for me was seeing Ruby Rose die so I got my money's worth there. She is hands down one of the most overrated actresses in Hollywood right now after that fucking Orange Is The New Black show on Netflix. Yeah, she's hot, but she's as talented as Megan Fox and the rest of those bimbos who have starred in Michael Bay's Transformers live-action films.

One thing I really have to point out about this film is the lack of sense of time here. Alice is prompted with 24 hours to save the world from the outbreak of the T-Virus forever, but that time seems to expire within like a faction of that. That entire last 5-7 minutes lasts longer than the entire supposed day she had prior leading up to that point. On top of that, how am I supposed to care about this ragtag crew of newcomer survivors when the film paints the picture that the bulk of those guys and girls are nameless losers anyway? Even Ray Charles could see the betrayal by Claire's supposed "fiancee" coming a mile away. He was the only one who manages to get out of the Hive's traps without a scratch? Bull-fucking-shit if you thought he was just that damn good.

Didn't we see this same sequence like 2-3 movies ago? Y'know, the EXACT same sequence
that Anderson ripped from the Resident Evil 4 video game?

While the bulk of this film is pretty much been-there, done-that, I did appreciate the somewhat closure to Alice's story. She was a character that was created specifically for these movies - and to give Milla Jonovich a steady income... I don't care what anyone else says but that's all what these films exist for. The whole thing comes full circle between Alice, the Red Queen AI, and the woman who she was cloned from Alicia Marcus with a touching moment where Alice is gifted with all of the memories that thought that she lost as well as having the future that Alicia would never have.

Watch it or Don't Bother?

There's no denying that Alice has her few standout bad ass moments though...

While the plot twist about Alice's origins was a nice twist, it was rather predictable in my humble opinion and really didn't add anything dynamic to this so-called finale of this journey for Alice. You could literally watch the original from 2002 and this film and completely omit everything in-between as the screenwriters literally did. That being said, you can totally skip this one for the most part. There's a few thrills to keep things interesting and VERY little fan service (the Hydra Shotgun was a nice touch though...) , but ultimately, this film feels lackluster compared to everything else to this point, especially in the last 20-30 minutes with not even the action sequences holding your interest for long. That being said, I can't recommend going out of your way to watch this one. Wait until it's dirt cheap in the Redbox machine or even better - just wait until it's on TV or Netflix in another few months. 

REVIEW -- Justice League Dark (2017)

Justice League Dark is a 2017 American animated superhero film produced by Warner Bros. Animation and distributed by Warner Home Video. Featuring the DC Comics team of the same name created by Peter Milligan and Mikel Janin, the film is the twenty-seventh film in the DC Universe Animated Original Movies series. It was released digitally on January 24, 2017 and is set to be released on DVD and Blu-ray on February 7, 2017. The film is directed by Jay Oliva, and stars the voices of Matt Ryan, Jason O'Mara, Camilla Luddington, Nicholas Turturro, and Ray Chase. It is the first Justice League film and the second DC Universe animated film to receive an R rating from the MPAA.

Voice Cast

Matt Ryan as John Constantine
Jason O'Mara as Bruce Wayne / Batman
Camilla Luddington as Zatanna
Nicholas Turturro as Boston Brand / Deadman
Ray Chase as Jason Blood / Etrigan the Demon
Roger Cross as Dr. Alec Holland / Swamp Thing, John Stewart / Green Lantern
Colleen Villard as Black Orchid
Jerry O'Connell as Clark Kent / Superman
Rosario Dawson as Diana Prince / Wonder Woman
Enrico Colantoni as Felix Faust
Jeremy Davies as Ritchie Simpson
Alfred Molina as Destiny
J. B. Blanc as Abnegazar, Merlin
Jeffrey Vincent Parise as Rath, Father, Police Officer
Fred Tatasciore as Ghast
Brian T. Delaney as Husband, Shroud Leader
Laura Post as Businesswoman

Plot (FULL Spoilers)

A woman is rear ended in her car and when she emerges she sees a demon. It's shown the demons she is seeing are just normal people. However, the demon approaches her window and in terror she speeds off down the street. Other people are shown as demons as she runs them down in the street. She continues to run down people until her car is stopped by Wonder Woman who confronts the woman on her actions. The woman screams that she is seeing demons, and pleads if Wonder Woman also sees them. Wonder Woman surveys the carnage around her and replies, "I see only one".

A man is shown in his house confronting what he believes are demons with a shotgun. The wife with her children plead to her husband to stop, but before the husband can pull the trigger, Superman and cops enter the house to stop him. The husband pleads with Superman that demons have killed his family and have killed his neighbors as well. He tells them to check the shed to understand. Upon entering the shed, Superman and the police come across a grisly scene as the neighbors are shown hanging or wrapped in plastic, dead inside.

Batman confronts a woman on the top of a tall building. She is crying looking at her baby. Batman asks the woman to come back off the side of the building. She apologizes, saying she has given birth to the Devil. The woman sees her small baby as a demon spawn. For a moment she hesitates to give the baby to Batman, before seeing the demon spawn lash out and she tosses the baby over the side of the building. Batman uses grappling hooks to save the baby and lands on a nearby archway. A loud thump is heard and the mother's body is seen on the sidewalk. Batman apologizes to the crying baby.

At the Justice League headquarters scenes of carnage and horror are watched on-screen. The Justice League discuss the situation and comes to the conclusion that a paranormal element may be involved. Batman discusses his disbelief that these crimes are caused by magic and walks out.

Batman returns to his home where he cuts himself shaving due to an unseen force behind him. After finding the name "Constantine" written on his mirror, he emerges from his bathroom to find it written all over his walls.

John Constantine is playing poker with Jason Blood and the Demons Three. The opposing player dealing has been cheating throughout the game, changing his cards with magic. He changes his hand in a match and raises Constantine out of the game. Constantine reveals he is raising the stakes, and bets the House of Mystery. It causes the Demons Three to discuss the situation and begin a ritual to call the bet with a large spiked ruby called "The Dreamstone". The Demons Three call John and John uses his own magic to change the cards back to their original state when the demon calls.

A brawl ensues from the chaos of the card game. Constantine fights the demons until he is brought to a rather desperate situation and forces Jason Blood to transform into Etrigan, much to Jason's frustration. Etrigan proceeds to defeat the Demons Three and return to Jason's form.

Batman visits the magician Zatanna at one of her performances. Backstage Batman appears in Zatanna's dressing room and begins to ask about Constantine. Deadman possesses Batman and tells Zatanna she needs to bring Batman to John. Batman forces Deadman out of his body and Zatanna agrees to bring Batman to Constantine.

On the way to John's home, the House of Mystery, a conjured tornado is set towards the Batmobile. The trio narrowly make it in time to make it inside John's house as the Batmobile is swept away by the tornado.

Batman explains to John the recent spikes in homicide may have a magical component. During this time, John casts a spell to make Deadman visible. Black Orchid makes an appearance as a manifestation of the House of Mystery. Black Orchid finds great interest in Deadman. After some exposition on everyone present by Black Orchid, the group form gathers to share information. After a quick discussion the team is formed.

The team visits a friend of John's named Ritchie Simpson. Outside Ritchie's house shroud spirits await to collect his soul. Constantine banishes the shrouds after some banter between them. The door opens revealing Ritche who is very surprised to see them, most of all, Batman.

It is revealed John has a past with Ritchie that gave him some kind of magical cancer. Ritchie's frustration with John is overcome by Batman's mention that innocent lives are at stake. Ritchie gives John the magical artifact in his possession that he thinks will allow him to probe the mind of the man who killed his neighbors, who is currently being held in a hospital.

Zatanna and John enter the man's mind together while Deadman possesses a nurse who stumbles upon the group. While inside the man's mind, Zatanna and John discuss their past and, possibly, their future. At the hospital, a demon made of living feces is conjured out of the bathroom with a loud entrance from the toilet. A horrible smell emanates from the bathroom throughout the hospital. A nurse walks to the bathroom to investigate, when an arm of feces reaches out and drags her to her death inside the bathroom. The monster of feces bursts out of the bathroom and begins to move down the hall, scattering hospital staff while killing a nurse, dissolving him down to his bones. Deadman exits the body of the nurse he was inhabiting, and begins to follow the feces monster down the hall. Deadman jumps into the body of security guards who are hopelessly shooting the monster, pushing another guard out of the way and saving both their lives. Chasing after the feces monster, he attempts to do the same for another guard without success. Batman confronts the monster, slowing it down with a mix of the hospital sprinkler system and a defibrillator machine. Meanwhile John and Zatanna witness the beginning of the hospitalized man's descent into darkness, being possessed by a dark figure.

Deadman continues to possess various hospital staff to save themselves and the hospitalized man. The feces monster manages to grab the man, and begins to devour him and the entrance into his mind. John and Zatanna narrowly manage to escape before the feces creature consumes the man while they exit his mind, where Zatanna proceeds to destroy the monster.

Returning to Ritchie's, the team finds him about to die, with the apartment nearly destroyed and Jason Blood standing over him. Batman revives Ritchie with a shot to the chest, but he quickly falls into a coma. Blood attempts to flee the scene but is captured by Constantine. Interrogating Blood, he tells the team that he did not attempt to hurt Ritchie, but was looking for a way into the House of Mystery to find the Dreamstone. Blood recounts of a time when, as a knight of Camelot, Destiny came to conquer the lands using the Dreamstone. Blood fought against him, but was killed. Merlin summoned Etrigan to destroy Destiny, offering him freedom in return. Etrigan battled Destiny and mortally wounded him, but Merlin bound Etrigan to Jason Blood, anticipating that Destiny was not truly destroyed.

Ritchie awakens and names Felix Faust as his assailant before falling back asleep. In order to locate Faust, Constantine and the team go to find Swamp Thing. Swamp Thing agrees to transport them to Faust's observatory, but declines to join the group's fight. Infiltrating Faust's lair, the wizard battles the team, but ultimately is defeated by Zatanna using a magical artifact. However, Faust is found to have no involvement in hurting Ritchie.

Back at the House of Mystery, Ritchie awakens and seemingly destroys Black Orchid, revealing himself to have the other piece of the Dreamstone, and assuming control over the House. Ritchie reveals that he had been using the Dreamstone to keep his cancer in remission, but is killed when the Dreamstone brings Destiny back to life. Destiny declares himself a god and destroys the House. Zatanna saves the group, passing out from exertion. The Justice League tries to fight Faust, but he makes them perceive each other as demonic threats. Etrigan attacks Destiny, but is separated back into Jason Blood and Etrigan. Constantine summons Swamp Thing, who agrees to fight Destiny, as Batman and Zatanna disable the Justice League. Destiny defeats Swamp Thing by taking Alec Holland's corpse from his body.

Constantine tricks Destiny into bringing him and Deadman within his protective shield, allowing Deadman to wound Destiny, before Constantine, Batman, and Blood destroy Destiny's body, leaving Ritchie, whose cancer kills him shortly after. Blood succumbs to his mortal wound from centuries before.

Zatanna agrees to join the Justice League, while Constantine declines. The two return to the now rebuilt House of Mystery, agreeing to have a drink together.

The Verdict

Man, that opening bit with the League stopping all of these mass-murderers set the tone for this "dark" film for sure. Still not the blood bath that Gods and Monsters was, but pretty damn close though.

One thing that's glossed over here that was mentioned briefly in Justice League vs. Teen Titans is that Superman is vulnerable to magic, so that's why the main League members weren't too versed in the conversation of magic. Outside of maybe Wonder Woman and Hawkman, they are the only members equipped to deal with such matters - at least in this iteration of the League.

Speaking of the League, the JLA added Jon Stewart Green Lantern, Hawkman, and Martian Manhunter into their ranks since the time gap between this film, Justice League vs. Teen Titans, Batman: Bad Blood, and JL: Throne of Atlantis. Some filler on how that happened would have been appreciated. I get that they are creating their own universe with these "mature" direct-to-video home releases, but I wish someone would give them a budget for a regular animated series - even more so for Justice League: Gods and Monsters.

To say that Batman is the one who decides to investigate these mass-murderers deeper than mere coincidences, he ends up being just the eyes of the Justice League and more importantly, the audience in this film. Batman is merely a cosmetic accessory to this movie. He barely contributes ANYTHING to the whole discussion of magic in this plot. Outside of comedy relief moments, they could've focused this entire film just on John Constantine and his dysfunctional team. I guess Batman is there to remind everyone - no matter what team affiliation - that there's a use for mere mortals.

There is no Enchantress (Dr. June Moon) in this iteration of JL Dark. I'm guessing they already had one powerful spellcaster/sorceress with Zatanna so they didn't want to muddle it up right off the bat. John Constantine is played by Matt Ryan (who played the titular character in the Constantine short-lived TV series) while Zatanna is played by Camilla Luddington (voice actor and motion capture model for Lara Croft in the Tomb Raider reboot and Rise of the Tomb Raider), who both played those roles wonderfully, so I can't complain on that front. I did miss Lacey Chabert voicing Zatanna at first, but I can understand that we're going with a more mature post-New 52 version of Zatanna in this continuity. I swear between seeing the few episodes of Constantine on SyFy channel I have seen on a whim in reruns to seeing this film, I wish I watched more of that show when it was on air at the time. Seemed like Matt Ryan had a knack for playing this character as I liked his charm and delivery from start to finish in this. The film focuses a bit too much on Zatanna and Constantine's relationship, at the cost of under-developing everyone else in this narrative.

That fact is proven by how the rest of the members of this impromptu team are Swamp Thing was pretty much an afterthought here while Etrigan was pretty much the unsung hero, even though I liked Deadman here more than I thought I would have. I'm still trying to figure which iteration of Swamp Thing they are going with here - old school or New 52 as this animated stuff since JL: WAR has been leaning towards more with New 52 mythos for the League members. I don't know why they didn't go with the old Justice League Unlimited voices for Etrigan and Deadman, but the actors here were fine for the most part.

I have to admit that I always enjoy a modern take on Felix Faust as he's a pretty cool DC villain as shown in the JLU stuff after being regarded as a goof for most of DC Comics history (no thanks to the Superfriends era stuff painting that picture...), but I was relieved that he wasn't the central villain here as he's NEVER the brains behind anything, just a means to an end. Faust served as a pretty cool mid-level boss for this team prior to the film's climax against Destiny that showed off the potential of what each member of team had to offer in combat.

The film's true villain, Destiny, was an odd one to wrap my head around since I'm used to Doctor Destiny looking more like Skeletor from Masters of the Universe crossed with the Red Skull, not Skeletor crossed with Count Marzo. God, I'm showing my age with these Masters of the Universe references, huh? It was pretty cool to wrap his origin story along with Etrigan's while tying his modern day iteration to Constantine and Zatanna's relationship.

I have to be honest, but it seemed redundant to do another villain after Justice League vs. Teen Titans and Batman: Bad Blood where the League or misc. allies are being controlled by an outside force. They are reusing that trope as much as Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes did in it's final season. As a result, it makes the finale a bit dry - and I don't mean from Etrigan's fire breath or the fact that Destiny ripped out Alec Holland from Swamp Thing's body. I have to mention that it was pretty hardcore that dude ripped Etrigan and Jason Blood from being bonded to each other too. I wonder what they are going to do with Etrigan and Swamp Thing without their human hosts then? I honestly don't know since I don't follow this end of DC Comics, so I'm really intrigued on what they will do from here if DC decides to do more with these characters. We know we'll see Zatanna again since she accepted Batman's invitation to the League, but no one else took him up on that offer. Hell, we didn't even get a post-credits teaser like the other films in this line-up.

(Sighs) At least we know that Teen Titans: The Judas Contract is up next later this year. 

Watch it or Don't Bother?

Go ahead and watch it. Why not? DC is still ahead of the game over Marvel in terms of these direct-to-DVD animated outings, especially with this shared universe that they started with Justice League: WAR. While I was hoping for a little more here, this is off to a great start to what could be even better down the line in this shared animated universe, much like with the new iteration of the Teen Titans in this continuity. John Constantine fans will be happy to at least hear Matt Ryan reprise the role here, despite the cancellation of his live-action show.

Justice League Dark felt like one of DC Comics' weaker animated adventures in this continuity, but still has some entertaining moments to hold your interest from start to finish as it was a joy to see these lesser known DC heroes get their chance to shine in the limelight. I just wouldn't go out of my way to purchase any of this DVD/Blu-Ray releases at launch at full-price though.