Late Night Ramblings (Feb. 1, 2015) -- NSFW Edition (Ages 18+ Up ONLY)

Okay, this is a discussion/rant that I wanted to have with my mature older peeps for a while now as it's driving me nuts as I fail to understand it in my 30 years of life. I'm sure there's going to be a TON of people laughing after this article, so go nuts.

To protect people's privacy I won't say any names,  but I'm going to open with a story.

I know this one guy in particular (I really can't call him a friend as I honestly can't call him that it's more of an acquaintance) who I had some classes with in college, who PROUDLY boasts about his collection of smut and pornography - a whopping 9+ terabytes of videos and photos. The guy spends most of his free time finding more content to save onto his multiple hard drives and burn onto CDs, DVDs, and even now Blu-Rays. He does the same with ALL of his pirated games, movies, and TV shows as well, but that's not the point of this discussion. The thing I want to know is why in BLUE HELL do you need that much porn in your life when you have a fucking girlfriend? Please, can someone explain that shit to me. I just don't get why is that a necessity.

This was the same guy complaining about Lisa Ann "retiring" while I'm going, "If you run out of her videos to watch then something's CLEARLY wrong..." Lemme stop, you guys are prolly busting a gut by now laughing.

This isn't the only individual I've ran into with this puzzling dilemma. I have worked with guys over the years who have just as much porn or are living encyclopedias on the stars like I am on 70s to early 90s Marvel Comics' factoids, yet they are happily married. One of the them said it honestly keeps him from infidelity since his wife and/or fiancee literally won't allow him to touch her after having kids, which is TOTALLY understandable when you're already juggling a kid or two.

This even brings me to that Don Jon (2013) movie with Joseph Gordan-Levitt and Scarlett Johansson, where the protagonist was jerking off to porn after banging Scarlett Johansson. Hello! Shouldn't you be waking her up for round two if you're THAT damn horny? (Laughs) Seriously, watch that movie if you haven't people. It's hilarious on a LOT of levels - something for both men and women to relate to there.


Don't get me wrong. I'm NOT knocking anyone who does or does not watch porn. What I'm getting at is why the hell do you need THAT much of it? If you have THAT much porn, I'm surprise your "equipment" down there even STILL functions - let alone if you aren't already blind in both eyes.

Since we're still talking about porn, there's another issue I have a problem with...

Why the fuck there's STILL people in this day and age who go to a public library or educational facility (such as a college campus) and jerk off to porn in a public setting after using the computers there? I've even heard stories about people looking at porn at work and jerking off in their cubicles. In the words of Jim Cornette, WHAT THE FUCK!!!???

That kinda shit is just all kinds of wrong. I can understand people have their own things that gets them off but c'mon... Do that shit on your own time AT HOME. It pisses me off more and more as I get older when I notice that humanity is becoming more and more uninhibited about not having any shame in public. Show some respect for yourselves people.

A few weeks ago CollegeHumor put up a hilarious article (link is VERY NSFW, so you've been warned) that I had me falling out laughing at. The guy has a point y'know...

Then this past week, MTV's Guy Code did an article facial expressions after "accidentally" clicking on porn at work. Like how that shit can be a damn accident? Most jobs I've worked had kiddy block in most offices or enough firewalls, barriers, Internet blocks that you would be lucky to be able to check your email or even load up Facebook.

(Laughs) C'mon, you can't stay in the bathroom applying "ointment" and shouting forever, folks. Okay, rant over. Back to our regularly scheduled programming...